Chris Rock has this joke in which he says “You know that guy in the club? He’s not old, but just a little too old to be in the club.” I’ve heard it a few times and I’ve laughed each time because we ALL know that person. The one we look at when we’re sipping our drink thinking “Um, seriously?” And we giggle or stare or just wonder what they’re thinking. This past weekend we were at this little dive bar close to home and it’s cool because it floats on the water. In front of it there are boat slips so people that have been out all day on their boats, most of them already drunk when they arrive, park their boats and come in for night caps or to hear the live band. This was my first time at this place but I thought it was pretty cool and the band was good and there wasn’t a ton of 21 year olds (I can’t stand to be in a bar or club filled with people that age. I just can’t) so we stayed for a while.

After about an hour of being there this older man, probably in his 50s, comes in. I only noticed him because he came stumbling over and said something to us like hi or how are you and then went on his merry way. About 2 minutes after that this lady comes in and I immediately noticed her. She had to have been the same age as him but dressed like she was 25. She had on a bikini top and short shorts. Right away I whispered to The Man that she was way too old to be dressing like that especially in a bar. We giggled and watched her with that man and then all of a sudden I felt this feeling in my gut. It felt like I had been punched.

See, The Man always jokes with me and says that men don’t get old, they get wise. That saying insinuates that women DO in fact get old while men don’t. I always smirk at him or roll my eyes but in that moment, it all became clear to me. I kind of think this is true! The man and woman were the same age and yet I thought he was totally cool to be there and thought this woman was out of place. The Man insists it’s because of how she was dressed and if she had on regular clothes I wouldn’t have paid much attention to her either. There is some truth to this. HOWEVER….I feel like when we are in our 50s he’s gonna still be hot and cool and won’t look out of place in a bar whereas I will look my age and young girls will think ” WTF is she doing in here!?”. Omg. I never want to be that lady. But at that age I will want to go out still, right? My kids will be grown. We’ll be retired. That’s all we’ll want to do is travel and go out and have fun. It was a harsh realization and probably a dumb one (fueled by vodka)..but one I had nonetheless.

A few of my friends had/have a problem turning 30. I have no problem with 30 at all. I’m content with where my life is and I’ve accomplished most of the major goals I wanted to accomplish before I was 30, BEFORE I turned 30. I’ve joked that 35 is probably gonna hit me hard and that it’ll be my last birthday. 35 is a good, solid age. Not too young and naive. Not old at all. Women say sex peaks for us in our 30s. My girls will be teenagers and independant. We’ll be able to go on dates whenever we want without having a sitter. I look forward to my 30s. And so I told The Man this again at the end of the night. Lots of people turn 21 5 times. Or turn 29 10 times. Not me. I’m going to go the extra mile and get to 35.

After that, I’m done.

*This post brought to you by random, insecure, shallow, drunken thoughts.*

Hubs and I have decided that our family is complete. That means no more babies. He’s 30 and I’m 28. We both said that once we get into our 30s we wanted to be done having kids and spend the time focusing on raising the kids we had already. When I was having Livie, my 2nd c section baby, my doctor asked me if I wanted to get my tubes tied. That was not a good time to ask me. Here I was about to deliver the child that lived in me. The child I felt inside of me for months. The child we already loved so much. And we all know how much I love being pregnant. So in my state of weepy-ness and my deliriousness (is that a word?) thinking that this could not be the final time I ever feel this again, I said no. No. Because we HAVE to have more. This can’t be it.

Well that was before I spent every night from that night up until THE PRESENT as in NOW never sleeping a whole night again. Livie STILL does not sleep all night. That was before our checkbook was in the minus more than a few times because we’re learning to RE-budget STILL after adding a person to our financial situation. That was before I thought about paying for private school for TWO children…let alone 3. Or 4. *faints*

That was before we realized that the love we have for our 2 kids and the love our 2 kids have for us is enough.

So I told Hubs he needs to get the snip done. Everytime I mention that to him, he shudders and cringes. Although progress has been made. Whereas before when I mentioned it, he would say “absolutely not, no way in hell, you should have gotten your tubes tied”—NOW he says “I need to be knocked out…you should have gotten your tubes tied.” To which I reply “I was sliced open through MANY layers of flesh to birth TWO children. I had a WHOLE PERSON removed from me TWICE. And I was AWAKE. Man up. Stop being a pussy”.

So the snip used to be a question. Now it’s more so a must.

He’s gonna do this. He just doesn’t know it yet. Updates coming in the future.

My baby will be a year old in less than 2 months. Nothing makes me realize this more than thinking about what I have going on after the new year and realizing I’ve got a big 1st birthday to plan…or when I’m adding photos to the slideshow I’m making for her for her 1st birthday…I just can’t believe it sometimes. These kids grow up so fast.

Then I think about how Hannah was only 3 when I started this blog. 3 years old. She’s going to be 7 in 2 days.

January 10 is my 4 year blogging anniversary. 4 years.

We measure many things with time. I like to think back at what I was doing a year ago or 2 years ago or 5 years ago sometimes. Sometimes just for fun. Sometimes just for justification that I’m making it in life. That I’m growing wiser and better with time.

A year ago today I was getting ready for Hannah to turn 6. I was 7 months pregnant with Livie. I had more money than this year. But this year, I have more love. I have 2 babies now. More love to give. More love to receive.

I feel like time is always racing by. Even when my weeks or months drag at work- in the long run, it’s racing by. I stress about so many things that I don’t have control over and I’m wasting time doing that. I know that I have responsibilities so stress sometimes comes with that. I also know that I need to stop and “smell the roses” more often than I do. Take time to kiss every inch of Livie’s baby face that will be gone before we know it. Take time to really listen to Hannah read and struggle over her words because she’ll be writing papers for school before we know it. Take time to cuddle with Hubs more because honestly, you just never know when there won’t be a tomorrow. And lastly, take the time to let by gones be by gones. I’ve really worked on that a lot in the past few months…forgiveness…true forgiveness…letting grudges go. Just being happy and embracing people even if they do things that I don’t care for because a lot of times these are the same people who are here for me when I need them.

Time. Take time for yourself and your family and friends. You won’t regret it.

1. I constantly complain about how I don’t like the size I am now and yet I do NOTHING to fix it. Don’t work out. Don’t eat right. Got 2 breakfast tacos today. Not just one. TWO. I just have no motivation right now and I wish I did because my blood pressure is back to not being hot and I know if I just ate right and lost about 15 lbs it’d be a lot better. I actually would love to lose 30 lbs…I’d be the most happy at that weight. Anyway, I’m praying that I can get some motivation here soon. I NEED to. You know?

2. This morning it was 54 degrees. I was freezing. You have to understand that it was almost 100 degrees everyday for three months straight. So when 54 comes, it feels like freakin winter. I ALMOST wanted to wear my coat. Almost. But we’re in for another great weekend of 70s and sunny everyday. I look forward to it.

3. It seems like there is never enough money for anything. Granted I have a slight problem with Etsy.com lately which I’ve shared. And yesterday I bought 2 more dresses for my girls. Hence when I said problem. But I swore to myself that that was my last purchase until after January. I’ve got to start saving for Christmas. And you know, paying our house taxes. Things that actually DO matter more than dresses for the girls. Again, lack of motivation. I see a trend here.

4. Speaking of trends, Monday night we decided that we were going to move Livie out of our bed and into her crib. This was major for us because Hannah slept with us until I got pregnant with Livie. Finally we MADE her move to her bed and that was a week long battle before she finally caved. She’s done great ever since but yeah, it wasn’t fun at first. And her sleeping with us lasted that long because we had tried several times to move her out of our bed and failed each time. We just assumed that moving Livie to her crib was going to be a battle and it’d take weeks and we were going to be exhausted and stressed but it was something we needed to do. Well go figure that Livie is actually the total opposite of Hannah in every aspect of her life so far…she’s more like me and NOT stubborn unlike her sister and father. She slept all night in her crib the very first night. And has every night since. I can’t tell you how awesome it’s been to sleep more than 2-3 hours at a time. To NOT have little toes digging into my back. To NOT wake up with a little sweaty head against my shoulder. I will admit that I sorta miss her being that close to us. She seems so far away in her room. But the pros outweigh the cons and we’re so happy we did this. We actually wish we would have sooner. Mostly because it was such an easy transition.

Anyway that’s my Friday randomness for you. Hope you all have a fantastic weekend.

1. After all the crazy outrages of last week about a certain person, today I’m conversing with the person as if nothing ever happened. That’s mostly because nothing ever DID happen outside my brain. Maybe I am crazy afterall. LOL.

2. Last night Hannah told me that someone at school was “talking smack” to her. I laughed about that. She’s 6. Remember that.

3. I’ve been an Etsy.com shopping whore. I love to match my girls. LOVE IT. It’s my new obsession and currently sucking in all my energy that was used in rage and hate last week. I matched them in 2 Halloween outfits this weekend. I just ordered another set of outfits today to match them in. Whenever I had Hannah I dreamed about having another girl to match with her. And then the years went by and Hannah got older and I thought the age difference was too great to ever match them. Then my cousin showed me Etsy.com. It’s been downhill ever since. I have to take advantage before Hannah decides she’s too old to match her sister. I do believe I will die just a little that day.